Monthly Archives: January 2016

Why Drake Releasing A New Album For NBA All Star Weekend Is A Great Idea

In a couple of weeks from now, Toronto will be hosting the largest (if not one of the largest) sporting events in this city’s history. Sorry CFL fans & Grey Cup Guzzlers, it’s the truth. The NBA All Star Game & Weekend is finally coming across the border. I personally have been waiting for this since the NBA announced that Toronto & Vancouver were getting NBA Franchises back in the early 90s. I assumed once the Raptors got settled in (much like Miami, Charlotte, Orlando, & Minnesota a few short years after getting an expansion team), they would get to host an All Star game. Nope. Instead we had to wait 20 years for the NBA to finally deem Toronto worthy. Now that it’s almost showtime, many people are extremely excited for the opportunity to see what all the hype is all about. Almost as big as the event itself, everyone’s wondering what Drake is going to do for that weekend.

The only things that’s been confirmed so far is that he will be coaching one of the teams in the Celebrity Game against Kevin Hart, & that he’s releasing his OVO Jordans the same weekend. Outside of that, no one knows what else he has planned just yet. It could be everything, it could be nothing. He could do concerts across the city, he could perform in front of Maple Leaf Square; or at Dundas Square; or take a heated flatbed down Yonge St & perform all his songs Carnival-style like Kendrick Lamar did in L.A. last summer; or he could just attend all the parties like everyone else (doubtful, but technically an option). No one knows for sure.* If I’m Drake though, none of the above listed items will have as much impact as him releasing “Views From The 6” during All Star weekend…. you know, IF that’s what he chooses to do. It would be the smartest of moves if he pulls that off again like he did for last year’s All Star Weekend. To recap, here’s what happened last February & the impact it had once If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late came out:

The Unexpected Album Drop. In today’s music climate, it has become hard to generate a healthy buzz for your album, and unless you’re a major superstar artist, it’s even harder to make that flip towards large amounts of sales. The music game has changed greatly in the last ten years as you know (think about it: when was the last time you bought a CD off the shelf? Or in a store for that fact?) Unless your album is filled with classic material & that fact is being promoted all throughout the music industry before your album release, generating an album release buzz is much more difficult than it used to be. You know what works in our social media/digital age instead? Unexpected Album Drops! (Let’s refer to it as “UAD” for the remainder of the article). Nothing sets social media on fire more than your favorite artist dropping a new album on you without warning. Not only does it create major news & help that artist trend everywhere, it’s also protection from the album being leaked earlier than its scheduled release date. In a way, it puts the power back into the artist hands. A few artists have done it prior to “If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late” (ie. Beyonce’s last album), but when Drake did it last winter, it set Twitter on fire. By the next morning, customized “If You’re Reading This…” memes & gifs were already on heavy rotation before you even heard a track. A lead-off single, or a pre-album write up in XXL wasn’t needed. The public literally determined what was hot from the album, & within a few weeks, 14 songs from the album made it on the Billboard charts, something only the Beatles accomplished in music history (until Justin Bieber beat that record with his Purpose album). Let’s take it a bit further…..

He Sent a Shot to His Competition. We all remember the whole Drake vs Diddy episode, so I won’t rehash it here. What was underrated about the UAD was its timing. At Madison Square Garden last All Star Thursday, Diddy had his first concert to kick off the All Star Weekend, as well as his 20th Anniversary of Bad Boy Records, his first concert in years. It had many, many big names from Snoop, to Nas, to Dr. Dre, to entire former Bad Boy Family + countless surprise guests performing on stage. Looked like an awesome time to be honest. On top of that, whoever couldn’t attend was able to stream the concert on their devices. Around midnight, while the concert was in full swing, Drake does a UAD on the masses. Within the hour, the streaming numbers took a bit of a hit, and even people at the concert took their attention off the stage for a few moments to check their phones respecting the breaking news. It was a chess move. By the time the concert was over, everyone focused their attention to digesting the album for the remainder of the weekend, therefore, putting the spotlight squarely back on Drake. What a time to have it on him because…..

His Album Dropped during “Black Super Bowl” Weekend. Shout out to Bill Simmons for being the first person to publicly coin that term as the “aka” for the NBA All Star Weekend. Since the mid-80s, that weekend has been known for when all the biggest black celebrities in the world get together to take part in the festivities and parties. The All Star Game & festivities take over wherever the host city it’s in like Bigfoot. So naturally, when Drake’s UAD happened, all the celebrities & athletes devoured it like everyone else that weekend, sharing their favorite songs & slangs from the album all over social media. Of course, this is all being re-tweeted & liked by their own followers hundreds of thousands of times, basically making the buzz now turn into The Hulk. You couldn’t possibly pay for better promotion that this.

His Album Dropped on Family Day Weekend. For those that don’t live in Ontario, starting in 2008, an extra long weekend was added to the calendar & was no longer to be the only province in the country with the lowest long weekend totals every year. The great part about Family Day Weekend is that every year it falls on All Star Weekend, so for you hoop junkies (myself included), this is a great weekend to kick back & watch all the festivities and old All Star Game marathons on NBA TV…… as well as spend quality time with family of course (coving my ass here folks). For Torontonians, Drake’s UAD became the official soundtrack for the weekend. Everyone riding around the city in the -45 degree climate to hit up clubs, get-togethers &/or house parties was bumping Drake’s most Toronto-centric album he’s made. I mentioned this to some friends after listening to it the first time. Anyone who was born & raised in Toronto basically stuck out their chests here. Pretty soon, the world would start implementing some of Toronto’s ebonics into their slang venacular. If Drake was the unofficial King of the City, this album added a couple of more rubles to his crown.

He Completed his Contract with Young Money/Cash Money? In one of the smarter moves around, with this particular UAD, Drake would have fulfilled his album obligations with Young Money/Cash Money. With the Cash Money empire in major flux, he may have jumped out the window of a burning house to free himself up towards his own OVO Sound Record Label. Although it keeps being called a Mixtape, it was sold on iTunes with YMCMB attached to it, and also scanned as one of the few platinum albums in the music business for 2015, therefore fulfilling his 4-album contract with his label in the process. If this is actually the case here, these strategies are almost Sun Tzu-like. (Here’s something that needs to be asked: Considering he put out an album that had no marketing or promotion of any kind, yet he still went platinum & broke records on the charts, does he really need to be signed to a record label with anybody at all? Do you really even need a distribution deal from a record label when you’re at his level, if his albums are being bought online & streamed exclusively? It’s an interesting thought.)

We can all admit now whether you love him or hate him, Drake is having an unbelievable 12 months. From winning rap battles, releasing another “Mixtape” with Future, dropping “Hotline Bling” which has taken off on the music charts, Serena, the Apple Deal, launching apps, & continuing to make OVO into one of the hottest brands in Hip Hop.

However, if he repeats the method & release an album’s worth of new material in a couple of weeks, it will further cement his legacy in Toronto. It’s one thing to do what he did in New York City, but putting out Views From The 6 when the spotlight will already be shining on Toronto (especially if the album is nice) will take it to another level. It could be an added event that nobody in the city ever forgets, especially for the ones that share his generational demographic. The Drake Brand can post another win locally and worldwide.

Here’s an underrated reason that’s potentially being glossed over…..

I for one, have always believed that Drake’s role as Global Ambassador of the Toronto Raptors was an underrated move by the Raptors. Just for the simple fact that he is either friends with a lot of major superstar players, or the ones that don’t know him personally (especially the younger players) revere him. In other words, because of who he is, he can put himself in places the average NBA GM cannot, simply due to his lifestyle. Please don’t get it twisted, some of your favorite basketball players love hanging out in this city for quite some time, & you can see a lot of them roaming the city during Caribana Weekend when Drake has his annual OVO Fest.

It lends itself to what Tim Lieweke & Masai Ujiri started in 2013, which is changing the narrative & perception to how NBA players feel about playing in Toronto. At the very least, you want to be respected enough to have the good Free Agents listen to your phone call to get you in the room to take a meeting. 2016 has been deemed as an important year for the Raptors for quite some time now in terms of being seen as a world class city (which is already established), a world class basketball organization, & as major players in the NBA. The Raps have the All-Star game, the new practice facility (which is supposed to be amazing by all accounts) that will be ready shortly, & will be pulling all the stops to show the world what kind of organization this is. Drake’s role on the team whether you believe in it or not, has helped in some ways with raising the awareness about the city with other basketball players & pro athletes. IF Drake does a UAD, the momentum of the aftershocks of that might play a part in how some of these athletes feel about playing for this city in a few months. You might laugh at that & say that’s ridiculous, but a couple of years ago, would you ever think you’d see Kevin Durant wearing a David Price Blue Jays jersey at a concert in Toronto either? I want to make this clear. This is not about believing that Drake can sign players. It’s about changing the perception about how people view a franchise to the point that you’re respected enough for Free Agents to listen to your pitch. That’s all that matters in these cases, that you get a chance to get your foot in the door & make a pitch.

As long as he’s affiliated to the Raptors, doing things like dropping UADs on All-Star weekend to help alter the environment for Player X’s enjoyment for example, helps market the Raptors down the line. It’s almost like dining at an upscale restaurant. You go there for the main course, but if the side dishes are incredible, the wine is aged just right & the service is top notch, you’re going to remember that restaurant experience once it’s time to decide where to dine out again, right? While I’m not relegating Drake’s UAD potential to a side dish, in the case of the Raptors place in the NBA Landscape, experiencing that on a weekend such as this could be placed in a future Free Agent’s memory bank, whether he’s there or hears about it from his peers.

It could be an interesting time in a couple of weeks in Toronto IF this album drops that weekend, going along with all the all-star festivities. Stay tuned…..

* I’m also hearing rumors courtesy of Jacky Jasper that the City of Toronto is banning Drake from headlining any after parties during All Star Weekend due to the aftermath of the shootings from the OVO Fest After Parties at Muzik nightclub last summer. You can read about it here, more as this develops of course.

SIDELINE NOTES

– Everyone keeps making fun of LeBron’s hairline issues & begging for him to cut his hair off. So, you guys are just gonna keep ragging on LBJ, but let Marcus Thornton walk these streets freely huh? That’s actually going to happen?

– If the over/under for Half American/Half Canadian babies being born in late November that were conceived in Toronto is 100, I’m taking the over. I’ll also bet about 8-10 of those babies will come with annual six-figure attachments by way of the Child Support Express…..

– The narrative of LeBron being totally unaware about David Blatt being fired like the rest of society……I don’t want to call someone an outright liar or anything, but I also have no frigging idea how to finish this sentence so…..

– If a condom company was smart, they’d have a kiosk planted at every major hotel across Toronto in about two weeks……

– Do I have to apologize for liking Justin Bieber’s “Sorry” song? I mean, I don’t have to hold onto that secret any longer, right? Ok, cool. Phew!!….

– After watching Steph Curry dismantle the Spurs on Monday, is there any way that the NBA could just announce the regular season MVP award to Curry during the All Star weekend? There really isn’t any point of waiting until May to officially give it to him….

– You’ve seen Josh Smith & Lance Stephenson slapboxing on the bench during OT of that Clippers game a couple weeks ago, right? #KnuckNation

– Speaking of the Knucklehead Awards, did Blake Griffin submit his registration forms too late for this year, or was he getting an early jump on next year’s awards? How do you do that to your boy (Assistant Equipment manager of the Clippers), & what the hell could have been said that you punch him (at a packed restaurant apparently), then follow him out the restaurant to punch him again, repeatedly? Did he sleep with your woman? Stole money from you?? Wore your underwear??? What’s the story here?!?!

– As far as David Blatt is concerned, his major problem was that he wasn’t meant to coach this team. He signed on to coach a rebuilding team with young players headlined by Kyrie Irving & Andrew Wiggins being the faces of the franchise. Then LeBron decided to come home & changed everything. They went from “let’s hope to make the playoffs in the next couple of years” to “championship or bust” by the time training camp started. It’s asking a lot out of most coaches, much less Blatt to coach that kind of team, especially when you have never coached in the NBA before. Once LeBron started treating Blatt like someone who showered every 5th day but always wants to hug it out, everyone else followed suit, including Tyronne Lue who used to call timeouts behind his back.

Unlike Miami’s situation a few years ago, Blatt did not have the backing from management & ownership to stand firm with LeBron. So it was only a matter of time. On top of that, personally, he always seemed a little pompous to me, always reminding people in interviews that he won a million championships in Israel, as if he had to continually validate himself to the public that he was a good coach and not Lebron’s wash cloth. He may have been doomed to fail from the start, but between that, and what Brendan Haywood had to say about the situation, it’s not as if he exactly helped himself either.

 

Cal Cee // South Shore Ave

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The NBA Knucklehead Awards

Welcome everyone to the 1st ever NBA Knucklehead Awards! My name is Cal Cee & I’ll be your host for this evening. I’d start off with a monologue of punch lines & jokes but unfortunately, it wasn’t in the budget this year to pay the extra writers. The only writer I could only afford was me, & even I cost too much. So without further ado, let’s get this thing started! Before we begin & announce this year’s winners, I’d like to thank a few people first….

First, I’d like to thank my Mama for bringing me into this world. I’d also like to thank God because without you none of this is possible ***double-taps chest twice & points to the sky with full tear ducts***……. I’d also like to thank the wife & family for holding me down. I loves you ***points to them in stands with slow nod of approval***…… & also, I’d like to shout out some of my peoples for inspiring & helping me put together the nominee listings. Shout out to Julian for initially sending the GQ article of Rajon Rondo in one of our text/chat groups that sent me down this Knuckleheaded journey, as well as to Curtis, Kevin, Luugi, Marco, & Julian again for helping me with the list. The cheques are in the mail fellas……

…….okay, that’s just a big ass lie, but thanks anyways. Again, the budget thing guys, you understand, right?  ****putting their money back in back pocket to use for rain-making purposes later this evening.****

On that note, let’s start the show! The NBA Knuckleheads Awards starts now! Before we get to the players, let’s acknowledge the management level guys first. Why should they be ignored???

TOP COACH

“There’s some type of saying. A team matches the coach.”
– DeMarcus Cousins, the realest shit he’s ever said.

A) George Karl, Sacramento Kings – Notoriously hard on his players & has a history of having issues with his stars. DeMarcus Cousins of course clearly, is no different.

B) Byron Scott, Los Angeles Lakers – For his delusional belief in Kobe Byrant, & his yo-yoing of his stud rookie’s playing time. Keep your heads up D’Angelo & Julius, it’ll get better once he follows Kobe out the door.

C) Doc Rivers, Los Angeles Clippers – The Leader who resides over the most whiniest team in the NBA.

D) Derek Fisher, New York Knicks – Guy Code Breaker.

The Winner: George Karl. It ain’t like Cousins is the easiest player to deal with, BUT when the first order of business of your first off-season with your new team is to try to ship your star off like Fed Ex, you kind of set the wheels in train-wreck motion, don’t you? I wouldn’t even be surprised if he leads them to the playoffs at this point. I mean, why not? Wouldn’t it be more entertaining to watch this team implode wildly by the 4th quarter of Game 3 of their 4-game sweep to the hands of the Warriors at the end of April?

TOP GM

A) Billy King, Brooklyn Nets – The NBA’s version of a fantasy player that plays but doesn’t know all the rules, or sadly, the value of all the players. That 2013 Celtics trade, is now the equivalent of sending the shitty GM a lopsided trade, & being happily shocked when he pressed “Accept This Trade” on the other end.

B) Vlade Divac, Sacramento Kings – After Cousins cussed out George Karl, not only did Vlade deny Karl’s request to suspend Cousins for a couple of games, but asked all the players if they should fire Karl. Um, what the fu….

C) Sam Hinkie, Philadelphia 76ers – Helped to create a tanking atmosphere so dreadful for his young players, that my guy Jahlil Okafor (I love his offensive skill set by the way) decided to volunteer himself as the club scene version of one of Birdie’s boys from Above The Rim. It’s a damn shame what happened to Flip the Sixers…

D) Jim Buss, Los Angeles Lakers – I know the GM is Mitch Kupchak, but I feel if he was to ever leave the Lakers & wanted another job, other teams will remember who worked above him… & then he’ll be fine.

The Winner: This one was hard to choose from, all nominees have very strong cases. However, I can’t shake the fact that Boston gets Brooklyn’s unprotected pick this year because of that KG-Paul Pierce trade. A trade I was actually fine with two years ago. Wait, am I a knucklehead too? I might have to share this award. Shit….. anyway, the other teams at least have the option to keep their picks. However, Brooklyn is horrible right now with no direction for the future, & has highly overpaid players on their team (not including Thaddeus Young). I’m sorry Billy, but not only does Boston get your unprotected picks this year AND 2018, but you also gave them the right to swap first rounders in 2017. Honestly, did you just press “Accept” on the email without looking it over? Did you negotiate anything to Danny Ainge over the phone? How hard was it for Ainge to stifle in his laughter while hand-motioning his assistants to call league office to approve that deal before King changed his mind??? Seriously now, I’m asking. You couldn’t even put some provisions (i.e. Top 7 protected or something similar to that) on those picks man??

& now…..the top Knucklehead nominees at each position……

TOP CENTER

A) Dwight Howard, Houston Rockets – Went from the best big man in 2009, to the most annoying in a six year span. Now apparently hates his role as James Harden’s most physically imposing rebound catcher. Well, I can’t blame him totally for that because, you know… Harden ISOs.

B) DeMarcus Cousins, Sacramento Kings – The “Steph Curry” of the category.

C) Hassan Whiteside, Miami Heat – After his breakout game last season vs. Chicago, his first interview on National TV, what does he say when the mic is put in his face? “I’m just worried about getting my NBA 2K ratings up” with a blank, emotionless look. That, plus his attempt to make his Snapchat account rival DJ Khaled’s. Yup, that’s $20M+ per year coming to an arena near you folks. #AnotherOne

D) JaVale McGee, Dallas Mavericks — As long as he continues to play basketball (NBA, D-League, Europe, YMCA, House League), he’ll warrant a spot on the list.

The Winner: DeMarcus Cousins. Most talented Center in the NBA, incredibly skilled who’s added a 3-point shot to the arsenal, makes Christmas dreams come true….. but you don’t care about that. Let’s recount the actions from the start of the season alone:

“It just shows I’ve got some ride or dies.”
– D. Cousins

I used to be annoyed by his antics, but now I sit back and enjoy the show the same way I would watching Rent or The Lion King on Broadway. I’m at the point where I’ll pay top dollar to watch him drop 36/16 with 2 made threes, 2 blocks, 2 Techs & a Flagrant 2, and about 3-4 teammates fighting to make him leave the court in a timely manner. When you see teammates trying to calm Cousins down when he’s T’d up, it’s reminiscent of the friend in your crew who always seems to either get into fights or near-fights, leaving you to be the one to constantly play peacemaker. By the 419th time, you’re walking to split it up with an intensity level of -3.6. It’s the best. I don’t even want Cousins to change his ways anymore, I want him to stay true to who he is for as long as possible.

TOP POINT GUARD

A) Rajon Rondo, Sacramento Kings – He quit on his team right in the middle of the playoff series.

B) Rajon Rondo, Sacramento Kings – He quit on his team right in the middle of the playoff series.

C) Rajon Rondo, Sacramento Kings – He quit on his team right in the middle of the playoff series.

D) Rajon Rondo, Sacramento Kings – You get the picture here…

The Winner: Rajon Rondo. I’ll put a little context into Rondo’s walkoff episode. Rick Carlisle is a great, great coach. One of the only active coaches to own an NBA ring, but he is also someone who is hard on his point guards. He’s old school in that he wants to call the plays most of the time, but if you’re an elite PG, especially one that’s as notoriously smart as Rondo, you could see where the bucking of heads was almost inevitable. Still…. walking away from a team (even as much as he was struggling) during the middle of a playoff series in a contract year is almost self-sabotage. It’s like cutting a hole open on your boat in the middle of the sea, & being totally fine with the decision even when it’s taking on gallons of water.

At this stage he’s playing close to the pre-ACL tear Rondo when he was a defensive tear & a walking triple double. However, that whole Bill Kennedy situation & how it was handled (apologizing for what happened but not officially apologizing to Kennedy himself) smells of stubborn knuckheaditis. It’s one thing when you’re just a loose cannon, but when you’re super smart & still make stubborn decisions that can float towards the knucklehead zone, is even worse.

Interesting Stat: According to ESPN Stats & Information, since 2010, Cousins has received 77 technical fouls, been ejected 10 times & been suspended 6 different times (five by the league, once by his team), basically, the runaway leader of “Knuck” Nation. It’s as if Rasheed Wallace & Isaiah Rider hopped into the same body. You know who ties him in suspensions (five by NBA, one by team) during this same span? Your favorite NBA point guard Rajon Rondo! See? Yet another reason why these two teammates need to be together.

TOP SHOOTING GUARD

A) James Harden, Houston Rockets – He’s dating a Kardashian as an athlete. Nothing else matters.

B) Nick Young, Los Angeles LakersHe’s dating Iggy Azalea He seems to be someone you’d love to hang with off the court, but want to almost swing on him for the legendary way he hogs the ball.

C) J.R. Smith, Cleveland Cavaliers – LeBron is doing a great job keeping J.R. in check, and maybe J.R.’s matured himself, it’s definitely possible…….& then you remember how he swung on Jae Crowder & you’re like, “Naaah!!”

D) Lance Stephenson, Los Angeles Clippers – When he left the Pacers as their 2nd best player on a title contending team, most of his teammates was relieved. They didn’t even care if it made them worse.

The Winner: If Denzel, Leonardo, Kevin Spacey, & Matt Damon were up for best actor during the same year for the Oscars, it still wouldn’t have been as hard to choose from as this category. If this award was announced after the ’13-’14 season, Lance would have walked away with this hands down. Since then, he torpedoed his experience in Charlotte after one season, & is currently trying to find his way in Clipperland. However, he’s been somewhat quiet for the past 1½ seasons. J.R. Smith wins due to his consistency to rack up “knuck stats” with his off-the-cuff comments, his shoelace tying incidents, to putting a model’s bare ass on his Twitter (….actually, I’m not mad for seeing that), his punch on Crowder, and just his general “I barely give two fu*ks” behavior. He’s calmed down recently because he’s playing for a contender & keeping his focus because mainly, there’s no nightlife in Cleveland. His words, not mine.

TOP POWER FORWARD

A) Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Timberwolves – Only in this category for dunking on Blake Griffin on a fast break, barking & preening at everyone like it’s 2004, but realizing that was only 2 of his 4 points he had that night. I love Garnett & his career, I really do, but he’s a 3-legged Doberman right now with his antics. As Barkley has said on Inside the NBA, he’s no longer “The Big Ticket”, he’s just Kevin Garnett. That play signifies this whole paragraph.

B) Markieff Morris, Phoenix Suns – Has not been the same since they traded away his twin brother Marcus to Detroit. I feel this is the way Tomax would have behaved if the other womb-sharing brother Xamot was sent away from Cobra.

C) Marcus Morris, Detroit Pistons – Markieff is already feeling down in Phoenix. You think I’m gonna leave him lonely here too? You must be mad.

D) Josh Smith, Los Angeles Clippers – You’ve seen his shot selection, right? He’s been giving coaches acid reflux since 2004. Looks like Doc wants no part of that stomach burning life based on the inconsistent minutes Smith’s been getting this season.

The Winner: Markieff Morris. When the owner (Robert Sarver) of your team is willing to make you the face of the Sensitive Millenial era, you know you done messed up. He basically thinks that post-Marcus trade, Markieff is the ‘16 version of Ralph Tresvant. It’s not like Sarver isn’t responsible for the organization going from being one of its most respected in the NBA, to everyone now looking at them with a side glance. However, the way Morris has been carrying himself since that trade, from killing his own trade value with his trade demands, the way his play went down this season, to having a throwback Robert Horry moment (& I don’t mean clutch 3s) & chucking a towel in Coach Hornacek’s face (who immediately threw Markieff & his under-performing stats under the bus), it’s hard not to win this running away.

TOP SMALL FORWARD

A) Ron Artest/Metta World Peace, Los Angeles Lakers – I think anytime you hop in the stands to whup ass, you get an automatic, honorary nomination until you retire.

B) Josh Smith, Los Angeles Clippers – He’s earned the right to double dip, as his shot selection has been notoriously bad from both positions. Also, even though he got waived from Detroit more than a year ago, we can’t just dismiss the way Detroit has improved the moment he left, can we?

C) Chandler Parsons, Dallas Mavericks – Even if DeAndre Jordan was more wishy-washy than a peer-pressured teenager during his free agency period last summer, I wasn’t a huge fan of Parsons being the most outspoken talker on the Mavericks outside of Mark Cuban, especially when his own production hasn’t come close to matching his mouth. Plus, he tried to date a Jenner.

D) Matt Barnes, Memphis Grizzlies – Guy Code Defender.

The Winner: Matt Barnes. With that said, I can’t be mad at what he did with regards to Derek Fisher. Once you’re a guy who has more than one friend, you can’t break guy code. It’s just a flagrant violation, unless you hate his guts. This goes for teammates & ex-teammates too. Male friendships are rooted on Guy Code ethics, & the rules aren’t even that complicated. Here are some of them:

  • Never date (or smash) your boy’s sister unless you plan to marry her, no matter how good she looks;
  • Never date (or smash) you boy’s ex-girlfriend or ex-wife unless a discussion is had first & you’ve received blessings. If your boy feels even 2% funny about it, just walk away unless you want to end up like R. Kelly in the “Down Low” video;
  • Never shit on your boy in front of a woman to make yourself look like the better option. An underrated no-no;
  • Don’t buy the same car as someone in your crew unless it’s a steal of a deal. If so, don’t buy the same color;
  • If you’re a wing man & you have to land on a “grenade” to make your boy win, you have to do it. If you’re not willing to fully land on said “grenade”, at least create or run a diversion;
  • If you’re in a public bathroom & there are multiple urinals, respect the buffer zone, &;
  • You’re only allowed to shed tears if you blow your Achilles or ACL, get hit really hard in the man region, or your date is using her teeth;

I don’t know how tight the friendship was, but you can’t violate to that degree, especially with an ex-teammate that’s not afraid to throw his hands. You’re chilling at your ex-teammate’s ex-wife’s house behind his back, with his kids around & everything…… even you’re reading that sentence right now with the hairs on your neck standing up. So for Barnes to snap, I may not condone it, but I understand it. I also approve his Happy New Year IG post as well. Thought it was funny & priceless.

Team Uniforms

As far as the uniform this squad should wear, we may not have to use the 76ers uniform, but I’m thinking we have to use their team colors, right? At 4-33, they might break their own NBA record of being the worst team in NBA history (Worst record is 9-73 by 1972-73 Sixers), and if that happens, Okafor might end up doing some jail time (By the way, did they really sign Elton Brand??? I had to check the calendar to make sure it wasn’t 2006). Either way, the team logo needs to be a string of Screwfaced emojis, going right across the chest & down the shorts.

Well that’s it folks! Same time next year? Ok cool. We may need to look into a sponsor for this one. Have a great & prosperous 2016, and strive to be great in everything you do in your life. If you strive to be a knucklehead, do me a favor, please let me know so that I can get a restraining order together that keeps you at least 150 feet away from me at all times. God bless & good night!

*** Disclaimer: This post was written in good fun. If you can’t take this in good fun, please do me a favor & let me know so that I can get a restraining order together that keeps you at least 150 feet away from me at all times. ***

 

Cal Cee // South Shore Ave

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